so sweet I can hardly speak due to such trauma in my teeth

The first week of mock exam is over. That felt great.

The papers we had this week were good. I have to admit, St. Teresa really knows how to train their students. They give us really hard papers during school exams, and when we face the real thing, it doesnt seem so hard anymore.

I guess there's only one subject I'm not so confident about so far. Wont mention which, but if you know me well enough, you'd know. It's quite funny though!

My back has been killing me. The one thing about exams, is that it gives me really bad back ache. It's nothing like the normal back ache I get everyday, (it does hurt everyday, I just get tired of mentioning it). But this is much worse, affecting both my upper back where the curve is and my lower back where the titanium is. It distracted me during Chemistry tuition yesterday. My surgery side hurt whenever I inhale deeply. Not good when you really need oxygen! Haha.

Well, there's only another week to go. And my spine can give me a rest from all the pain.

But in 59 days, this cycle will start all over again, only this time, in a longer time span. SPM :D
The reason for the smiley isnt because I'm crazy for actually loving the exam, but for feeling extremely excited about what comes after. Freedom!

I'll be leaving school and there is nothing I will miss about it, except my friends. But I can see them anytime I want, so, nope, wont miss a thing!

"It's so close, I can taste it in my tongue"

New Discoveries

Hello :) It's past my bed time. Well, when it's the holiday, do I need bed time? Okay, dont answer that question. I do. My eyes were heavy earlier but my brain is too active to fall asleep now. No, wait, the brain never sleeps. Ah, too much information. Anyway, here are things I've discovered along the way.

>> My entire life I believed my childhood friend was the same age as I was. Turns out, she's a year younger. I thought everyone thought the same way and this was an interesting discovery, but when I told my mum, guess what. "Yeah, she's the same age as Kavan." I cant believe mummy! But anyway, this discovery doesnt change a single way I feel about her. She's really cool :)

>> Melinda Fiona loves to distract herself during Addmath and blames me for it. But the night always ends up with me being the last to finish. Mel, this is how much I love you; I let you bug me for two hours and let you leave me with a calculator down my throat all alone. Heehee, I love addmath! :D

>> My driving instructor is pretty racist. He's very funny, though! You know some say, "when an Iban curses, there's nothing like it." Well, I've discovered the truth in that phrase.

>> I've lost a disgusting amount of weight. No, I'm not the kind of girl who checks her weight all the time and no, I dont like losing weight. It's hard to gain it back. I want it back. I miss having trouble putting on my favorite pair of jeans. Plus, it's no fun having to pull up your pants every 5 minutes (and I dont want new pants).

There are tons more stuff I'd like to post about, but I refuse to remember them right now. So, yes, I'm going to leave you there. Smell you later, stalker.

September Air

When I came to you

You breathed into me

covered me and made me real

So you're the one they call Forever

I could stray and you would find me

I could be lost in long, winding roads

Still you'd find me

The wounds on your hands

made me shiver

yet you still flash a smile

took me in and held me closer

The smallest things you say and do

I'd watch, listen

and I'd tremble

a dozen times a day

But I never get tired of knowing

Some say I'm a fool

But my pride is sheltered

And I am not ashamed

Some say you're not real

And this is all just wishful thinking

But you're so vivid to me

as this reality steals me from my own

I dont ever want to go back

I couldnt leave knowing no greater love

And nothing is greater than this

"no wonder you never finish your work!"

distractions

How do you suppose I study like this?

And now there're two of them.

This is just great...

so what do you say, if the sky turned grey?

I say, bring the rain! It's way too hot here.

Oh hello!

So, holiday. Two weeks. Hmm... I dont like this so far. I cant seem to wake up early. By early, I mean before 7am. And no, I have not touched a book. Well, I have. But I abandon them after ten not-so-productive minutes. This is not good. At all.

I think I should live in the in the stone age, well, a stone age with calculators. But goodbye tv, computers, handphones and everything that separates us from the animals...except our thumbs. I love my thumbs. They're hitchhiker's thumbs :)

So don't feed me to the fire,

and I won't let you down.

narrow gate of mine

The day I stumbled and fell
I hated you.
I let them take over
The anger, the sadness
The doors to these dark feelings,
unlocked.

Hurtful words
left my lips endlessly,
And I threw them at you.
Inside I screamed,
Alone I cried.
Where were you in all this?

I blamed you for this pain
this abnormality, this difference.
But what good could it do?
I didnt feel any less hurt.

Only when you truly let me endure
The pain of losing my own life
did I realise how bad I wanted it
How much I needed you,
And I need you still.

You gave me strength
I had always begged for
and thought was never granted.
My feet wouldnt be on this ground
If you werent the one
I believe in.

One year, eight months and twenty one days ago
I could've faded away.

You gave me courage to fight the hardest battle.
Though my lungs were almost done,
I wasnt.

This one-man army is yours
For I was a soldier, armed with your love.
And I am thankful now
for every bit of painful blessing
you decide to put me through.

Dear God, I love you.

A surrender

So you've come for me,
after devouring another.
knowing my sense of resistance is just as weak
Perhaps, I am weaker.

I let you have the best of me,
Maybe it was not the best decision made
Or was I just another slave to your words?

Temptations you present me.
and I spin dizzily in your arms,
as the castles I built in skies
were made visible.

But this has to end, I know
You're only temporary
And you'll disappear in a second.

Your hands I must let go
But saying no leaves me troubled.
So let go of mine,
and let me be
Free of your selfish grasp.

the shackles on my wrists

ambivalent to the core

a girl, you made me.
i run closer with alacrity
only to find hindrance and,
left i lay beleaguered.

all this does,
it begets misery.
but never are you
to this besotted soul,
a bete noire.

for no airy promises made.
to stop you,
this slips from my grasp.
i can only ponder
with not a right to question
the lilt in your voice that lingers.

but i will not drown in avarice
for thankfully still,
these altruistic prayers stand perpetual
like the shackles on my wrists
and the shadow that follows.

i then begin to grow fond of
an austerity
in which i willingly place my heart.