narrow gate of mine

The day I stumbled and fell
I hated you.
I let them take over
The anger, the sadness
The doors to these dark feelings,
unlocked.

Hurtful words
left my lips endlessly,
And I threw them at you.
Inside I screamed,
Alone I cried.
Where were you in all this?

I blamed you for this pain
this abnormality, this difference.
But what good could it do?
I didnt feel any less hurt.

Only when you truly let me endure
The pain of losing my own life
did I realise how bad I wanted it
How much I needed you,
And I need you still.

You gave me strength
I had always begged for
and thought was never granted.
My feet wouldnt be on this ground
If you werent the one
I believe in.

One year, eight months and twenty one days ago
I could've faded away.

You gave me courage to fight the hardest battle.
Though my lungs were almost done,
I wasnt.

This one-man army is yours
For I was a soldier, armed with your love.
And I am thankful now
for every bit of painful blessing
you decide to put me through.

Dear God, I love you.