Sarawakian Desert

I used to joke saying Bintulu is like the African Desert in Sarawak, since I'm always losing weight and getting darker here.

Well, now I'm not even kidding anymore.

The food in campus is getting less. The cafeteria closest to my block have decided to shut down. The foodcourt is now running at night, but it's 2km away from the dorm and the other cafeteria, is, well, in the boys' area. I can't always be walking there since it rains all the time.

There's no clean water either! I thought there was, until I fill up my pail yesterday morning and saw just how much filth there were coming from the pipe. It was as yellow as pee! Oh God, I'm scared to even take a shower now. And did I really just boil pee-like water and made my tea with that?!

Someone please take me away from here. I need to go home to good company, good food and clean water. I can't afford to get sick alone.

Christmas, come quick!

not my hair

Last Friday morning, I had a nightmare. My mum and sis forced me into modelling. Yes, I call that a nightmare. Why? Because the freaking hairdresser cut my beloved bangs to one-inch-short. I was practically an alien with one-inch bangs and boy-short hair. I looked over at mum and she said, "Don't worry! You look great. Even better when your make-up is done! What an edgy look!" Oh please, just shoot me, why don't you?

That wasn't just it, though. The story gets worse...

The hairdresser took her sweet time, making me look even more like an alien, that I was one of the last models to get ready. The director got mad at me and I was dumbstruck. I mean, what about this stupid hairdresser you geniuses hired?

The hairdresser, then, decided to run off to the kitchen, leaving my hair undone. Seconds later, there was a loud argument between the hairdresser and the director's wife. Apparently, the hairdresser was baking cheese cake and burnt it. (How random can you get, right?) But I stuffed my face with that cake anyway, cos come on, I can't resist cheese! It tasted great, by the way. I don't understand the need for an argument.

Aaaand, the director screamed at me and told me to put on my dress and start shooting. Licking my cheese-covered fingers, I stomped into the changing room and wondered if I had to be naked around all the other models just like my sister told me. That's where the dream ended.

You have no idea how glad I was to be back in reality and still have my bangs.

That afternoon, I was called to a photo-shoot to help promote UPM "internationally". I'm sure you know what was running through my mind that day. Irony...

Was asked to do two more shoots this week. Thank God there wasn't any hairdresser today!

challenge accepted

I'm not the kind of person who gets self conscious about her body. As a matter of fact, I love my body. I wouldn't trade it with anyone else.

I'm grateful that I have a high metabolism rate. I can't get fat, but I lose weight easily. Now that's the frustrating part; losing weight when you're already underweight to begin with!

I keep losing weight lately and I'm not happy about that. Last Sunday, when putting on my skinny jeans, I realized they've gotten a little loose. They used to be perfectly fit, but now they're loose. My skinny jeans, mind you! I don't want my legs to look like sate sticks.

Which explains why I am currently on a weight gain challenge. I'm eating 3 to 4 meals a day, with snacks in between. Never will I let myself skip any dinner. I don't care if I'm "not in the mood to eat", or if I'm "not hungry yet", I will chow everything down.

I thank God for Reyna and her roommate for never listening to me whenever I say, "The rice is too much". They force me to eat it anyway. I'm not allowed to leave any rice on the plate.

I don't over-eat, of course. If I ever do, please know that it was an act of forced gluttony, not by choice.

Now the reason I'm taking this weight gain challenge is because I want to keep at a healthy weight. It's really scary when looking at the scales and seeing the numbers less than 40 kg. I just know that it's not healthy and I certainly don't want to be anorexic.

I guess my main goal is to finally reach a normal BMI. I've been underweight for my entire lifetime, I think it's time I stop being lazy and start eating more. And never be called a starving African kid again. (yes, my mum's colleague actually said that)

My response to Jia Ahn when he brought up obesity

Here's to gaining weight! (healthily)

I'm stalking... I mean, starving.

Reyna asked me what my favourite love story was and I couldn't think of any. I'm so used to watching movies that made me laugh and long movies that made me think. Never really watched love stories. I mean, Dear John bored me to death. (Okay, it actually annoyed me, because the stupid girl couldn't wait for John and married someone else. Stupid.) And I never watched The Notebook, nor do I ever wish to.

Romantic comedies, yes, but those aren't considered love stories, are they? They make no sense at all. I mean, is that even real?

Anyway, now I think I may have found my favourite. Well, according to the movie itself, it claims to be a story about "boy meets girl" but is "not a love story". I never really understood that part, but, if you haven't figured it out yet, I'm talking about 500 Days of Summer.

Wait, that's not considered a love story, either? Oh well! Who cares. Let's just pretend it is. And it's my favourite. Here's why.

I can relate to both Tom and Summer. Like Tom, when it comes to my expectation of a love life, I'm a hopeless romantic. I like the sappy stuff, hearing a certain song when you think of someone. But in reality, I can relate to Summer in so many ways. Apart from the whole "love doesn't exist, it's a fantasy" thing, I think I'm almost as messed up as she is. Hard to crack.

Okay, I should stop typing now before I make myself sound even more of an idiot than I already have. I should get back to my studies.

Goodbye, now!

I'm not capable

doors of the heart shut and unsound,

tall walls built all around,

questions rise and I began to wonder,

did fear really take over?

these emotions I keep bottled,

disciplined guards of mine never toppled,

they see nothing but the cold side,

when really I belong where I decide.

let the world think I'm not capable,

as a matter of fact, I'm only unable,

there's more to life, I tell myself,

than to fall in love and lose my heart's health.

say if I ever do let my guards down,

and fall even more that I was to drown,

no one would know as I begin to learn,

these secrets will remain secrets that he should earn.

chillin like a villain

The week is almost over! And it's a bitter-sweet feeling.

One, I'm excited for the weekends, because I don't have to wake up early. Well, except on Sunday, where I'll be going to church. But I love going to church. It's like an adventure. Crossing the busy road with a bunch of UPM students. Hearing screams on every side. Haha..

And on the other hand, I'm a little nervous about Bakti Siswa. What's Mr. Hakim going to make us do? With all the things he's made Zura and I pick up from HEP. Plus, I haven't got to know my buddy yet. All I know is his name, what course he's studying and the fact that he's not exactly from here. I think?

I still have not decided on the three 'important' things I would bring, either!

Oh, well. Let whatever happen, happen. Not like it's the end of the world, yes?

Anyway, I've been pretty sneaky, observing people lately. It's really fun, I have to admit. Look at what I snapped with my phone the other day!

The row of bums behind me

Hilman, the tired grim reaper

Yeah, I listen to music during talks and keep myself entertained by taking pictures of people sleeping. So watch your backs, guys. The next time you fall asleep around me, your face will be here. It's kind of a sport I play...

Since I can't play real sports.

Oh I miss my doggie, Castro! Pray for this brown fella, he's sick.

Please, get better, my big boy.

And don't you dare leave the house compound again!

I will send you for castration if you do.

That's a promise.