author of the moment, can you tell me?

First of all, this is just too cute. Listen. Laugh and then check out He Is We's new album!



And now, let me just blog before I go to bed. What a week it's been so far. I've been having high fever since Saturday night. Oh, I went to Youth that night. It was a new thing, we tried; Group Bonding. I think that's what they call it. Fun games. Well, a lot of fun until they gave me cramps before I found out what the third game was all about. Haha, such a fragile creature I am, no?

I had fever on and off the whole day on Sunday, so I was all wrapped up in my sweater and rolled in my comforter. I really despise fever shivers. The only thing that went through my mind was, "Better not get fever on Monday, gotta help out for Pastors' Conference!" (Sarah asked us fresh school leavers to volunteer and lend a hand). Unfortunately, I did get a fever on Monday morning and so I had to pull out of it for the day. Got better the next day, and so, I went to the conference. Fever came back on Tuesday night and Wednesday morning, and so, I was missing, again. I hope I didn't annoy Sarah with all those feverish text messages. Teehee. I was fine today, and today was the last day of the conference and I was glad I came! :D

I've been spending a lot of time with Theresa this week. Oh, how I miss that girl since she left for NS! (She's back, so I'm smothering her) She's been trying to make a cover with me but I would always refuse for my throat seem to have a life of its own when I sing. Oh, and then there was the cookie problem. Tuesday afternoon, Theresa played the guitar and I was supposed to start off with the first verse of the song, only, I was too busy munching on Famous Amos cookies. Hahaha. We did, however, finally make one today. Not perfect though, I kept holding back the coughing. Gah, itchy throat. I hope we get to "perfect" it, Theresa Rom! I'm a perfectionist after all, can't leave anything in a condition that would just make us obsessive compulsive.

And then I went to have dinner with Affeeq a while ago. Haven't seen him in ages! And oh, that boy is tall. I'm saying tttaaaaaaallll, as in, his car seats were so low, I sank in them but he was head and shoulders above the windows! We had a lot to catch up on so there was a lot of talking over the food. I didn't finish my nissin, which I already knew I couldn't because Theresa's lovely mum made me eat before that but Affeeq insisted I ate again. He promised he would be my rubbish bin if I couldn't finish but, the boy can't be trusted. Oh, one more thing. (Going to blame mummy for this,) he kept calling me a "nun" because apparently, the people I hang around are too good.

Haha. I chose to have angelic friends. At least I did something right. Right? ;D

Anyway, it's going to be April in about three minutes (according to this laptop). Wow, how quick time passes! Can't wait for college, though!

In the mean time, I'm still contemplating over whether I should go to sleep or listen to more of He Is We's songs. Hmm, tough life decisions...

God bless you, dear stalker, for holding out until the end of this week's rant!

how many "thank You"s

I have yet mentioned the things I'm so thankful for lately. Well, I'm very thankful for the fact that God has stripped me from my worries and fears for almost two months now. I can't even begin to describe how bad a condition I was in when I worry too much. It really wasn't healthy.

I'm really surprised that He still kept those feelings away yesterday even when I knew my exam results were being released this morning. I was extremely calm and relaxed while everyone around me were nervous to bits. In times like these, I would usually get affected by others so easily that I would adopt their anxiety, as well.

This time, that didn't happen and I am so thankful.

I'm thankful that I learned not to expect anything of my results. No expectations; no disappointment. I hoped, yes, but I wouldn't allow myself any expectation. I asked God to keep my mind that way. He did. I wasn't disappointed at all.

If anything, I was very happy! I still am now :)

Following You, trusting You, and giving it all up to You, was the best decision I've ever made in my life, Lord.

If you wander off the road, to the right or to the left, you will hear his voice behind you saying, "Here is the road. Follow it." - Isaiah 30:21

I don't know how many times I've said this today, Father, but thank You, thank You, thank You!

oh, the cleverness of you

I've always had a crush on Peter Pan.


Bet you didn't know that ;)

Almost every girl wished they were one of the Disney princesses. I liked Snow White but I didn't wanna be like her. I never wanted a Prince Charming, I just wanted to fly away with Peter Pan. He's quite a charming and adventurous fellow, that boy.

Unfortunately, I had to grow up like Wendy and Peter remains a lonely boy in Neverland.

But the guy who played Peter Pan has grown up too. Jeremy Sumpter.
I had a HUGE crush on him when I was in Primary School.
Maybe it was the Peter Pan magic.

"To die would be an awfully big adventure."

blessed birthday, indeed

I’m actually glad I’m not popular and that I don’t ever feel the need to party. I’m a family-oriented person and I only have four very close friends. I had a barbeque at my place with the people I cherish most. I couldn’t have asked for a better way to celebrate my 18th birthday!

I’m so glad to have made it this far and have no regrets. Oh, and I can still say, “I never had a boyfriend!” with a huge smile on my face. (I’m sorry, that was just a random statement.) I had an amazing time!

I hope it's written all over my face.

The best advice I’ve ever heard my entire life was, “Know the difference between fun and happiness.”

Well, this was fun and happiness. There really was no difference between the two this time. How rare and wonderful, is that?

I'm very happy :))

I love you so much, Father ♥

this kind of person

I'm the awkward girl who sits in the corner at parties, if ever you find me at a party. I like staying home on Friday nights.

I love my family to death. It doesn't matter how annoying my brother gets sometimes, the amount of love I have for him is unexplainable. He's the one person I would miss most when I go to college. I think my parents are amazing. I can honestly say they're cool and not feel ashamed about it. My sister is crazy and we are very different from one another, but God couldn't have chosen a better person to fit her role.

I love sitting outside to stare at stars or just the sky. I take tea in the evening and coffee at night, but never fail to sleep after. I choose comfort over beauty. I don't believe in the term "it takes pain to look beautiful". It takes love and acceptance.

Popularity never mattered to me. I don't feel the need to have many friends. When I look back and count the number of "friends" I've lost, they far outweigh the ones I keep but the ones I keep, I truly cherish. I can always say that my true friends really are true.

I always want to save the world and I start with the people around me, my friends especially.

I care probably more than I should have. I won't stop.

I love talking to myself. Well, most of the time I'm talking to Jesus. I know He's always there.

I get lost in my own world sometimes. I hope it doesn't make me a conceited person, I just feel like I'm better off.

I don't mind being called weird or a nerd.

I couldn't care less about "fitting in". The last thing I want to do is to pretend to be someone I'm not (when it's not even Halloween). This would just be hurtful to God.

I live by the moment. I don't like dwelling on the past. I don't like planning for the future. I never want to miss the present.

I love conversations. I love looking at people in the eye when they talk to me. I don't know how to dance. I don't know how to flirt and I most probably don't want to. I dress for Jesus and myself. I don't put on clothes to please anyone.

I love my body. It's not perfect. My stomach isn't flat but I couldn't care less. I have titanium in my spine and a curve on the upper side. I have a six-inch scar. Despite all of that, I love everything about this body God set my soul in. I wouldn't change a thing.

I'm hopeful but I try not to set expectations. That way, I don't have to be disappointed.

I've been single my entire life and I'm very happy about it. The only strong relationship I'm in is the one I have with God. I hope that when the time comes, the man who gets to hold me, had to seek God to get to me.

He gave it anyway

I was just browsing through my Tumblr dashboard and came across this message an anonymous girl asked Bryan (one of the strong Christian guys I've been following).

Here's what Bryan had to say:

You know something? You said you feel unworthy of His love, you couldn’t be more right! We are all unworthy of God’s unconditional love; His unfailing love, His patient, kind, beautiful, powerful, amazing, love…

…but He gave it anyways.

Sorry to say this, but I don’t care what it is that you may have done in your past…there’s something called God’s love. This is the kind of love that keeps no records of wrongs. This love can and will forgive you for your past.

What does it cost to partake in this great love? It costs a lot, but God already paid for it. God already paid for YOU, through giving His son, HIS ONLY SON, to die for you. You can’t even put a price on that, it costs so much.

Don’t be beaten by the term ‘virgin’. Instead, look at it as cleanliness. A man who looks at a women lustfully is unclean in their heart. A person who has committed adultery is unclean in their flesh, but in Christ you are made clean and new. Your heart and flesh can be made clean through your love for Him.

Your heart is scarred I know, but God is arranging for you to be with somebody who will honor you and cherish you like a gem. It’s hard to look past the people you had feelings for, I’ve been there, but once you encounter the love of Jesus Christ, TRULY encounter the love of Jesus Christ, that will be the last love you seek. Trust me. You feel incomplete, I know, but the feeling of incompleteness that we sustain is not the feeling of being single, incompleteness is a result of not being full in Jesus.

_____________________________________________

Here's a link to Bryan's Tumblog: endlesspraise.tumblr.com

I've always admired this guy for being genuinely honest and for having such a strong love for Christ. Try reading his other posts. They'll open up your hearts and minds to things you probably never understood before.

Spread love like fire and God bless!

Take a moment
to mourn for Japan.
Then, kneel
and pray for them.



The things we do for ourselves will die with us,
but the things we do for others will remain and are immortal.

worth a lifetime, this one

When I was at the hospital for my "usual check-up", something finally hit me. I turned to my mum and asked,

"Am I signed up for this for a lifetime?"

Mum looked at me, with much compassion and said, "Yes". There was a "I'm so sorry you have to live like this" written all over her face after that.

I then thought about how my future would be.

How, when I'm in college, I would have to reschedule my appointments so I won't have to skip classes or how much physical pain I would feel working on assignments. Or, when I reach adulthood, I would have to take a day-off work to go to the hospital. Or, when I become a mother, how I would constantly worry if my child would inherit this thing from me and how I would always feel guilty about it if he does. Or, what if my child blames me like I blamed my parents when I was younger?

I could only rest all of this into God's hands. Thank God, He's great :)

magical hands

I forgot how amazing an author Neil Gaiman is. It takes a lot to impress me when it comes to books. Most authors lose me before I reach page 100 because I lose interest quite easily and would never reach the end. No, I admit I'm not a bookworm and I'm not an avid reader of fictional books but Neil Gaiman never lose me. I guess it's the kind of books he writes? It's always imaginative and dark and mysterious and out-of-this-world. Nothing ordinary or, even human.

Anyway, the reason why I'm suddenly blogging about this is because I've recently picked up reading books again (or at least a book). In the past few days, I've been reading Neil Gaiman's The Graveyard Book. It's about a boy whose family was murdered when he was just a baby and then was adopted by ghosts in the graveyard close to his house. He grew up in the graveyard, had a guardian, Silas, who was neither dead nor alive, who brought him food every time. The boy learned to do things the dead could do, see things the dead could see. It's a book you'd get lost in. I love it. I finished it lastnight. Yeah, I finished it, now that's something very rare!

I love the fact that my sister is such a bookworm. She buys tons of books and she leaves them here when she's done with them. I get to pick up whatever I wish. You should get more of Neil Gaiman's books, sis. He's got magical hands.

Speak of magical hands, I watched I Am Number Four on Tuesday with Mel and Ray. I loved it. The movie started off with Number 3 being killed. Right after he was killed, I whispered to Mel, "I love it already!" and then I turned back to the screen and Number 4 was on a jet ski, I quickly said, "I'm loving it even more!". Haha!

I think watching the movie kinda rubbed off some magical power on me too. I was psychic! I knew Number 6 was Number 6 before she said so.

They were showing a blond girl, sitting on the ground next to her bike and I thought to myself, "Who are you?" and then I imagined her say, "I am number 6."

True enough, when the movie almost ended, she said she was Number 6! Oh yeah, I'm psychic! (to prove this fact, there was no number 5 or 7 or 8 or 9 in the movie by the way) Maybe I could be Number 7? :D

Magical, glowing hands. Who would've thought of that?
Pretty useful in the dark, don't you think? ;)

we will never forget

It has been such a crazy ride for me in the past few days. One moment I was heartbroken, in the next I was irritated. I experienced something entirely foreign to my knowledge, had no expectations and so, there was no disappointment. Only sadness would surface every now and then. And then there were times when I felt very happy too. No, this is not an emotional breakdown.

Let's start with the sad news and build up along the way, (just exactly how the days went anyway). Our dog, Lemon passed away last Wednesday night. She fell ill for almost a week and that night, she left without a sound, laying in our bathroom. I've never been that sad since Dottie passed. This was more painful, though. It wasn't her time yet, it really wasn't. A cocker spaniel lives up to 10 to 11 years. Lemon was only 7. I cried for the longest time in my life and it made me feel almost lifeless too. I hated being home alone. I knew I would burst into tears every now and then, so Melinda took me out the next day. I'm so blessed to have such amazing friends who ate chocolate with me, brought me to the park and made me laugh, drove me around the city to find strawberry milkshake just because I craved for it. I love you guys :)

On Friday, I went to the hospital for my regular check-up. Didn't seem so regular when the last time I went for a check-up was about a year ago. The hospital sure have changed. My doctor wasn't there that afternoon, but there were a bunch of new, young, male doctors. Faces I've never seen before. I still hoped my doctor was around although it seemed unlikely so. When I got into the office, there were two young doctors. One, a tall Chinese guy who seemed so consumed in his work of drawing lines on my X-ray, and the other, a shorter guy with glasses whose signature went by Dr Bryan, a nervous guy he was.

Dr Bryan asked me questions and I answered as if I had heard those questions a million times before (I could swear it was up to a million). I told him about the sharp pain I'd get running down my thigh. He asked me if I get it often, I told him I had it twice that week. He went ouh. Mum asked if it was normal. He said no and shook his head. I wasn't worried, to be honest. At that moment I was so assured that nothing could break me. Only God could break me into pieces and make me whole again. So no, I wasn't the slightest bit worried. He irritated me, though. He asked the tall guy about the measurements and the tall guy simply noted that he only drew lines and that Dr Bryan was to measure it on his own. Dr Bryan stood up, measured it, sat back down and muttered, "20 degrees". My hopes were pretty high, then, because it would've meant that my spine was better, much better. And then...

Me: Is that the upper curve or lower curve?
Dr Bryan: Upper curve, of course. Lower curve is fixed. *stares at X ray again and turns to tall doctor* Hey, which curve did you draw on?
Tall Doctor: I don't know, I followed the old X-ray.

You gotta be kidding me. Well, they signed me up for Physiotherapy and gave me painkillers. Lots of painkillers. Don't know when I'll be needing those, I'm blessed with the ability to endure pain (ok, that's pretty morbid)...or should I say Mobic? Ahahaha, lame jokes coming!

I had to work on Monday. I said "had to" because it wasn't much of a choice. Mum's colleague had to go for a big meeting but she doesn't know how to use a laptop. Therefore, mum's boss decided to borrow me for the few hours. So, I was a PA/techie for a day (4 hours to be exact) and had to dress up like a pro for the meeting. Now, that was something new. Principals and teachers from other schools who were there thought I was a teacher as well. Haha, it worked! (whatever it was) I made RM20 in four hours! :D

Well, that is just halfway through. I've got more things to post about, for things seem to be happening quite often now. (I've got quite a few on my mind now but I'll save you the reading for later)

In the mean time, spread love like fire and God bless!