Wild and Free

It's been a while since I last posted anything here. But no worries, I'm back for my break and I feel I need to write and tell the world (or whoever is reading this) a little something about wildlife. If you've read one of my previous posts, I've mentioned that I was going on a student internship at a wildlife center. Well, that was a few months back at Matang Wildlife Center (MWC), Kuching, a well-known rehabilitation center for Orangutans.

Now, to be honest, before I worked at MWC, I expected to be able to interact closely with the wild animals there. To be able to hold and to pet them as seen on so-called wildlife programs you see on the TV. But what I learned while working with those animals really opened my eyes and changed my views about animals in captivity.

What most people don't know is that, there is a HUGE difference between a zoo and a wildlife rehabilitation center. A zoo keeps wild animals in captivity (cages, aquariums, enclosures etc.) and feed and care for them, just to make money off tourists who would pay to see these wild animals in... well, not in the wild. A wildlife rehabilitation center, on the other hand, is a center that cares for injured or captured animals in enclosures as natural as possible to train these animals to survive and eventually be released back into the wild. Rehab centers do not capture wild animals and keep them in captivity just for the fun of it. They do it with purpose, which is to conserve, to rehabilitate. They save animals from illegal captivity. Once they believe these animals are well capable of foraging for food, of survival, they release these animals back into their natural habitat, the forests. 

When I was working at MWC, I wasn't allowed to touch these animals or even hand-feed them. I needed to keep my distance, to minimize contact with these animals. The most important thing when it comes to rehabilitation was that; to minimize human-animal contact. Animals are a lot like children, they get attached to the people who care for them. But animals, especially wild animals, they need to learn to care for themselves, they need to survive in their own natural ways, not the human way. So the less contact we make with them, the more successful their rehabilitation becomes, the higher their chances are of surviving in their natural habitat.

Zoos don't do that. Once the wild animals are chosen to live in captivity, they will live and die in captivity. Be it in steel cages, in concrete enclosures, in glass aquariums, in plastic tanks, that will be their "home" for life. Yes, it is not natural. And yes, it does affect these animals. Can you imagine being ripped and separated from your family, at a very young age, to live in tanks over your real home, the ocean? You would be traumatized! That's exactly what's happening to these animals in captivity. They are traumatized. But unlike humans, animals aren't able to think for themselves, they're unable to fight for their rights. So they live in depression, they are forced to behave a certain way, trained to do tricks on queue, to draw with their trunks, certainly not how they were created by God to live. And once they become useless to their human "owners", they are left to waste away and die, still in captivity.

Who is responsible for this, you ask? We all are. The money we pay to visit zoos, to visit oceanariums and for tickets to animal shows, to watch dolphins do tricks, to watch elephants and lions perform in a circuses, THAT is what's causing all this unnecessary animal captivity. Do you know what is happening in Taiji, Japan right now? Look it up. Dolphins and whales who swim around The Cove are trapped and captured to be shipped off to live in tanks and aquariums. Ones that are not in "perfect shape" are killed off. Japan isn't the only country doing this though, there are many others worldwide. Wild animals taken from their natural home for the sheer entertainment of us "higher beings".

So please, before you take your money out of your purses and wallets to pay for that ticket to go into a zoo or oceanarium or animal show, think about this, think about the animals. Are they doing what they do because it's natural? If no, then stop. Don't support the entertainment business that's killing these animals. Wild animals are exactly that; wild. Let them be wild and free, just as what they were created to be.

That one year mark

I remember the first time I saw you when I first got here. I thought you were really nerdy with your glasses tied to your head. I remember when I used to just pass you by like a stranger. You were my bestfriend's coursemate, that Chinese guy that never really smiled. I remember when one of my friends had a huge crush on you and I thought, "What is so sexy about that bald head?" And then I remember when we first talked. It was at the airport and I surprised you when I watched an episode of Walking Dead. I remember when my friend dragged you to Kuching for a week with us. You were shy, but you stuck with me like a puppy. I started noticing you then. I remember when we first hung out, just you and me. I didn't ask you to, but you helped me carry heavy bags of vests. We talked about our childhood that day. I remembered when we first started texting. I went to sleep with a smile on my face every night. And the first time we talked on the phone. I panicked when my phone rang and calmed myself down, "You guys hung out so many times already, just be cool, it's Yek." I remember every day of that one study week, we used to walk and fed the deers. There was a fat deer we named Fatso. And I remember the first time you said I love you. It was the midnight of my birthday. You were the first to call and wish me. And you confessed. My heart raced and I wanted so much to say I love you too. I remember the time you asked. It was that evening we went to feed deers. You had given me my presents and wrote me a poem. And as we walked downhill, you slowly said these words, "Phoebe, I've never been so sure about anything in my life but... will you be my girlfriend?" I giggled and grinned like an idiot. Immediately I said, "Yes!" 


We were such dorks. You made me laugh so much and you made me so happy. Months go by and we have fights every now and then. But you never walked away. You stayed and we always talk things out. And every 19th we would fall in love with each other all over again. The sea kept us away from each other during holidays, but we stayed up all night talking and slept all day.

We dreamed together. We talked about our future. We built our house together and we furnished each of the rooms. We put so much of your Coke in the fridge and I wanted space for my soybean milk and yoghurt drinks. You wouldn't let me have a microwave because you said it would be bad for our brains. But I won that argument. We're getting a microwave!


We talked about our children. What kind of a father you would be. And how I would discipline our kids. How we would let them have amazing childhood.

A few nights ago, we made one year. You gave me an evening of laughs and grins despite having final exams on my birthday. And lastnight we both agreed, that we are our own favourite couple. How could I not love us? I really can't imagine being with anyone else.

You're the only person who can make me laugh until I can't breathe. The only person who can make me feel beautiful. The only person who can make me feel safe and loved.

I love you with all my heart, Lee Jing Yie. 

I can't wait to spend forever with you.

April, come quick!

Hello, bloggers! I know I haven't posted in a long time. I've been so busy with reports, assignments and presentations lately. Yesterday marked the last of our presentations for the semester and wow, I went back to my room so exhausted I fell asleep in my towel! Next week would be my last week of lecture, before our study week begins, then final exams and the semester finally comes to an end. I honestly can't wait!

Beginning this April, I'll be expecting to undergo my 11 weeks of training. I've already chosen a place, Matang Wildlife Centre back home in Kuching. I didn't know which animal to work on for my special project at first. There were so many to choose from. Also, I have to consider my friends who are tagging along as well. Nabby, Amir, Hilman and Malie. I've a feeling it's going to be a blast working with these interestingly funny personalities!

Nabby chose the orang utans, the main attraction of the place. I originally wanted to work with them too, but baby orang utans to be specific, since they need a lot of care and attention. Hilman is crazy about the Binturong bear cats. He just wouldn't stop chanting, "I want the bearcat, I want the bearcat, I'm taking the bearcat!". So we let him have a go at it. Haha. Malie wants to work with the crocodiles. I was really impressed. Not a lot of girls here are bold enough to want to work with reptiles! Amir and I, on the other hand, were still on the fence.

But after Nabby showed us videos of volunteers at the centre, the more we watched it, the more we want to go there and the more excited we got! Saw that there are many other animals there including deers, sun bears, otters and even porcupines!

I was really interested in the sun bears. So when the forestry students came back from vising national parks in Kuching, I went around asking them about the animals in Matang Wildlife, the sun bears especially. It was important to us that the animals we work on should be in many numbers. And when they said there were at least 5 sun bears, I immediately set my mind on these Bornean creatures!

Oh, I am so thrilled and excited! We have yet to receive confirmation, though. Hopefully the main campus accepts our appeal for early training because I really can't wait to have a taste of a real encounter with wildlife. It's been a lifelong dream of mine!

April, please come quick!

no one is telling me the speed I should be travelling, so watch me take the lead

I guess I’m always known for being hard on myself when it comes to my education. I’m never good enough for me. Since I was in primary school, it was never good enough if I didn’t get first place, if I didn’t get straight A’s in SPM. Now I’m in university, I’m not good enough until I get at least a DA.

Some people call me ungrateful. Please, I’m not. Trust me, I am grateful that I’ve gone up to where I am. I’m reducing my B’s, although I haven’t gotten rid of that one B last semester, I’m still grateful. I’m a little disappointed that for the third time, I didn’t get into the list, but at the same time, I’m so happy to be this close! I just have to work a little harder.

Yek kept wondering why I do this to myself, even when I’m ahead. Well, it’s never about competition with others. I compete with myself alone. I’m trying to be ahead of myself. I don’t care about anyone else, because what’s the point of being better than someone else but still not moving forward as an individual? I have reasons for everything that I do.

And the reason why I need to be in the list so bad is to secure my place in the main campus for DVM. 

Getting DA means getting your name up on your faculty’s board, and which means getting your name recorded in The System.  A higher chance!

I may have one foot at the door of my dream, but I still need to get my other foot in. That’s the degree talking. Only God knows how hard it is for diploma students to compete with STPM holders and Matriculation students to get into DVM, even when you’re holding a Diploma in Animal Health. The world is a little messed up in this part of Asia.

And that is why you have to work for what you want. Nothing’s ever gonna come falling from the sky without a price.

“You can move as you make from the cradle to the grave, 
it doesn’t matter what they say.”

Hello, Peanut

About a month ago, at exactly July 12th 2012, my classmates and I found an orange kitten trapped in one of the empty cupboards in the lab.

Tasha went all out to save this kitten and since she was already taking care of 2 grown male cats (Tai Tai and Jerry) in her room, she couldn't keep this orange kitty.

So I took him in and named him Peanut.

Peanut, on the first day

Peanut was really scared and shaky in the beginning. Then he got super noisy and pooped all over my bed. I wasn't ready for it and wanted to give him up but I was really heartbroken when I left him at the foodcourt one day. He had only been with me for a week and already I was attached.

So Yek, my sweet gentleman boyfriend came to the rescue. He took Peanut in and took care of him until I was ready for that commitment. I love Yek so much for this. He never had a pet of his own but he kept Peanut for me because he knew I loved him and could never let him go.

Yek did a really great job at training and taking care of Peanut. He was getting attached to Peanut, too. And almost didn't wanna let me have Peanut back when I asked. I promised we would have shared custody over him.

So now, Peanut is with me and he's been a really good and well-behaved boy. Well, not exactly well-behaved, he dashes around the room and bites and scratches people. But despite all that hyperactivity, he poops and pees at the right place. This is gonna sound weird, but his toilet is a dustpan. I'm definitely keeping this little fella!

Here are pictures of my little orange monster.

Always monkeying around

After I got him back from Yek, he sat right here

Always disturbing me when I'm on my laptop

Falling asleep while I surf the net

Yek used to let him sleep in the drawer, now Peanut does this

Our last picture together, before I go home tonight

I'm a night away from home. And I have a confession to make.

I'm not as close to God as I used to be. I haven't been for months.

I've been keeping this to myself because I didn't wanna be judged. I wasn't proud of myself. I'm not proud of myself. But when I told Yek this just now, I felt so much better. So I think I should tell everyone else now. Or at least, anyone who cares to read this blog anyway.

I don't really know what happened to me. I guess, in words, "I got tired" was the best way to put it. Worst reason ever, I know, but that's the truth.

Yek said maybe I was stressed out or maybe not a lot of things were happening in my life, or that maybe I didn't have enough trouble that would make me seek God. I don't think it was any of that.

I wasn't that kind of person who only seeks God when she's in trouble. No. I used to talk to God about everything, every time, everywhere, like He was an invisible friend who is constantly by my side. I didn't need reason to talk to Him. I talked to Him practically all the time.

But now I've stopped. This never happened before. And now that it is happening, I don't know what to do. The moment I realized I was falling away, I tried to pray. I really did. But sad thing was, I didn't know what to say. I just lost the ability to say anything to Him. It's like I forgot how. And I got tired of trying.

I really want to go back to God. Go back to being joyful in His arms. I miss that. I know it's going to be tough. But Yek was right, I should keep trying to pray anyway.

I'm so blessed to have Yek. He reminded me that my faith was the most beautiful thing I have and I should never lose it. He was even willing to back away to save it, thinking he was the reason this happened.

I love you, sweetie, but I have to do this myself. I'm going back to God one way or another. And if I'm going to have to cry about it, I will.

I'm going back to you, Father, because You never left me.

You're right here,

You never stepped a single foot away.

You never stopped loving me.

And Your arms are always wide open.

for the long haul

In the very beginning, you sensed I'm a loyal person. You're right, I am. So I beg you, please don't think about me leaving you. You mean to me as much as I mean to you. And that is too much.

It is intense, to think I've found someone perfect this early. But I know it's not impossible. We both know God has a reason for everything. We can only find out when we're dead but we're a long way from death, aren't we, my love?

And it doesn't freak me out that you're serious. It doesn't freak me out that our relationship is getting serious. Because I'm serious too. I always meant to be serious. If I didn't, I wouldn't even take the plunge. We wouldn't even be together if all I wanted was to have temporary fun.

I'm happy. I was thrilled when I realised I got to chase my biggest dream; to save animals. I've finally found happiness. Then you came along, swept me off my feet, and you know what? My happiness just went up a thousand notch! And it's not going down.

Everything is finally falling into place. I'll always tell you, that you're everything I've always wanted in a man, because you really are. You're worth the wait. And I hope I'm worth it for you too.

We're perfect. I can never get tired of saying that. If we ever find flaws, I'm sure they're tiny and we can fix them together. It's still the beginning, but I'm in this for the long haul.

excuse me while i fall for you

I found this video in my almost-dismantled phone and it's one of me and Theresa singing Hesitate. We got bored one day during the long post SPM break and I wanted to show her this new song I found. She decided we make a cover of it.

Just for kicks. I really wasn't ready. Heck, I'm never ready for any cover. I was just in the singing mood and she got lucky. LOL!

Anyway, here it is. This was in 2011 and my hair was just recently chopped at the time. T'was a phase I went through, kinda like Britney Spears you know, what with the bald head and all. Except I wasn't psychotic or going through any mental breakdown. Just wanted some change.

Okayyy, going out of topic. Again.

By the way, to my dear boyfriend, please re-read the title of this post!

Thank you :D

i'll never forget how

We both fell for each other

at that

very same moment...

everything's on fire

Ever since I got home, Yek has been telling me to look back at all the videos I've posted before. Videos of myself singing. Apparently he's watched them all repeatedly just to make sure that it was me. According to him, my voice has changed.

Yeah, I know. Now I don't sound like I'm holding my breath anymore. I hope! To prove it, I took a recording earlier. Just cause I was in the mood of singing...

Okay, fine, I've been bursting into songs all day!

It was all fun until I almost lost my voice with all the upbeat songs and this was all I could afford singing. Haha please be good to me.

this heart is set

Strangers who passed and never said hello,

Who would've thought you'd be the one I waited for.

You took your time climbing these walls,

Honesty and trust came before any of our falls.

We sang along the streets we both walked on,

Our thoughts are all in sync,

We both want the same things and,

I learned one important thing.

You and I are of the same kind.

Our story is carefully written,

In tiny writings of yours and mine.

Sound of your name and the world I've forgotten,

As thoughts of you come flowing through my mind.

My once guarded heart now feels safe,

And this is the first.

Your past fears began to fade,

And the world is just a bright light waiting to burst.

Wonder not about finding me earlier,

Worry not about making up for lost time.

This, here, couldn't get any better,

We're perfect, and your hand fits mine.

Oh puppy of mine...

Yek, stop reading my blog!

It's not a university subject.

Go on study Physics or Chemistry or Fish Biology!

Or I'll tell everyone your real English name :D

only God is to judge us

If there's one principle I always keep in mind, it's this;

God will judge you the same way you judge others.

As hard, and almost as impossible as this may sound, I always go on my days stopping myself from trying to past judgment. I don't throw first impressions around, unless that someone really stands out. Even so, I'd want to know a person better before I start thinking up adjectives for them.

This got me thinking when my friends told me what they first thought about me. Most of everyone's first impression on me was that I was stuck-up and too serious. Now that they know me, they'd say, "Mana la I tahu you ni gila sangat sampai cam ni!"

Haha! I guess I cover my dorky side a little too well with this I'm-gonna-stomp-on-you look I inherit from my parents. But you can't blame me for having a serious face, can you? I'd smile 24/7 but that would probably end up with me losing control of my normal facial expressions.

Anyway, enough about me. The bigger problem here is the way people look at my coursemates, as DKHPians.

If you ask around and say, "Budak DKHP", you'd hear lots of negative stuff.

"Budak DKHP semua kaya, semua pakat nak glamor."

"Budak DKHP semua sombong."

"Budak DKHP tak layan orang."

I really don't know what the past DKHPians have done, but you can't judge us for something we didn't do. People tend to look at us as if we all came out of the same messed up factory. We've even had lecturers passing judgments on us the first day they met us!

Must I constantly point out that not all DKHP students are the same? As a matter of fact, no one is the same!

Most of my coursemates know all the mean things people say about our course. It does hurt, how people think you're a bad person when you're actually innocent, but we don't act out on it. We take it and we shove it to the side like it was trash, because that's what false judgments really are; useless trash.

But what about those of us who aren't strong enough to deal with these negative stuff? Everyone needs to know one thing;

Your words can be the cause of someone's depression.

So stop saying these things like you know us too well. Stop saying anything about anyone you don't even know!

Think back to all those moments you judge people, whether your judgments are true or not. Now imagine yourself being judged the same way, but this time, by GOD.

Do you think you deserve every bit of it?

more than I could chew

A lot has happened to me in the course of a month!

I swear, February was the craziest throughout this whole semester. We were busy from the first February minute up until its last.

I think the first thing was the DKHP Farewell Dinner for our seniors. We slept at 4am almost every night and worked our butts to the bones to make sure they're happy. There was a problem at first; they didn't think we could make it work, just because we failed to book the hall, which our cheapskate dean refused to give all in the name of high electricity bills. It's ridiculous, really, but our event was a great success. The best part was when our seniors apologized and expressed their gratitude to us at the end of the night. That just made everything worthwhile :)

And then there was my Bakti Siswa trip to SMV Miri. Wow! The memories I made there. Again, I was deprived of sleep and had to run around constantly. I was extremely tired and my back was literally killing me, but I had the time of my life. The students in SMV were so hyper and naughty. They were hard to handle, but we handled them swiftly! :D I really admire Ifah. She's amazing with those kids. They just love her.

The one thing I can never forget about that program is that night when one of the students had hysteria. It was my first encounter and thank God I didn't freak out! I have to admit though, the amount of goosebumps that attacked my whole face that moment was countless and insane in all dimensions! The most amazing moment was when everyone left the hall, gathered at the canteen, sat together and prayed. Muslims and Christians and all, prayed together that night. It really made me smile.

Then there was the Maulidur Rasul event in campus, our ongoing sports event, Piala Dekan and our Sukan Uniputra. Everything was stuffed into one whole month! Don't even get me started with our endless tests, presentations and assignments.

My block's super cool flag for Uniputra!

But all is well here! I just completed my MUET today. :D

Now I've come to my study week and our finals will be over by March 20th. Then, I'll be on the plane back home for three whole months! I really can't wait for this long semester break.

My beloved trolls! A little burnt from the sports event.

We'll be coming back as sophomores ! (Haha that sounded like smores if you say it out loud) Yummy.

Anyway, I'm gonna go and play in the rain now. Keep spreading love like fire! <3

Hey you. I really mean it :)