oh, the cleverness of you

I've always had a crush on Peter Pan.


Bet you didn't know that ;)

Almost every girl wished they were one of the Disney princesses. I liked Snow White but I didn't wanna be like her. I never wanted a Prince Charming, I just wanted to fly away with Peter Pan. He's quite a charming and adventurous fellow, that boy.

Unfortunately, I had to grow up like Wendy and Peter remains a lonely boy in Neverland.

But the guy who played Peter Pan has grown up too. Jeremy Sumpter.
I had a HUGE crush on him when I was in Primary School.
Maybe it was the Peter Pan magic.

"To die would be an awfully big adventure."

blessed birthday, indeed

I’m actually glad I’m not popular and that I don’t ever feel the need to party. I’m a family-oriented person and I only have four very close friends. I had a barbeque at my place with the people I cherish most. I couldn’t have asked for a better way to celebrate my 18th birthday!

I’m so glad to have made it this far and have no regrets. Oh, and I can still say, “I never had a boyfriend!” with a huge smile on my face. (I’m sorry, that was just a random statement.) I had an amazing time!

I hope it's written all over my face.

The best advice I’ve ever heard my entire life was, “Know the difference between fun and happiness.”

Well, this was fun and happiness. There really was no difference between the two this time. How rare and wonderful, is that?

I'm very happy :))

I love you so much, Father ♥

this kind of person

I'm the awkward girl who sits in the corner at parties, if ever you find me at a party. I like staying home on Friday nights.

I love my family to death. It doesn't matter how annoying my brother gets sometimes, the amount of love I have for him is unexplainable. He's the one person I would miss most when I go to college. I think my parents are amazing. I can honestly say they're cool and not feel ashamed about it. My sister is crazy and we are very different from one another, but God couldn't have chosen a better person to fit her role.

I love sitting outside to stare at stars or just the sky. I take tea in the evening and coffee at night, but never fail to sleep after. I choose comfort over beauty. I don't believe in the term "it takes pain to look beautiful". It takes love and acceptance.

Popularity never mattered to me. I don't feel the need to have many friends. When I look back and count the number of "friends" I've lost, they far outweigh the ones I keep but the ones I keep, I truly cherish. I can always say that my true friends really are true.

I always want to save the world and I start with the people around me, my friends especially.

I care probably more than I should have. I won't stop.

I love talking to myself. Well, most of the time I'm talking to Jesus. I know He's always there.

I get lost in my own world sometimes. I hope it doesn't make me a conceited person, I just feel like I'm better off.

I don't mind being called weird or a nerd.

I couldn't care less about "fitting in". The last thing I want to do is to pretend to be someone I'm not (when it's not even Halloween). This would just be hurtful to God.

I live by the moment. I don't like dwelling on the past. I don't like planning for the future. I never want to miss the present.

I love conversations. I love looking at people in the eye when they talk to me. I don't know how to dance. I don't know how to flirt and I most probably don't want to. I dress for Jesus and myself. I don't put on clothes to please anyone.

I love my body. It's not perfect. My stomach isn't flat but I couldn't care less. I have titanium in my spine and a curve on the upper side. I have a six-inch scar. Despite all of that, I love everything about this body God set my soul in. I wouldn't change a thing.

I'm hopeful but I try not to set expectations. That way, I don't have to be disappointed.

I've been single my entire life and I'm very happy about it. The only strong relationship I'm in is the one I have with God. I hope that when the time comes, the man who gets to hold me, had to seek God to get to me.

He gave it anyway

I was just browsing through my Tumblr dashboard and came across this message an anonymous girl asked Bryan (one of the strong Christian guys I've been following).

Here's what Bryan had to say:

You know something? You said you feel unworthy of His love, you couldn’t be more right! We are all unworthy of God’s unconditional love; His unfailing love, His patient, kind, beautiful, powerful, amazing, love…

…but He gave it anyways.

Sorry to say this, but I don’t care what it is that you may have done in your past…there’s something called God’s love. This is the kind of love that keeps no records of wrongs. This love can and will forgive you for your past.

What does it cost to partake in this great love? It costs a lot, but God already paid for it. God already paid for YOU, through giving His son, HIS ONLY SON, to die for you. You can’t even put a price on that, it costs so much.

Don’t be beaten by the term ‘virgin’. Instead, look at it as cleanliness. A man who looks at a women lustfully is unclean in their heart. A person who has committed adultery is unclean in their flesh, but in Christ you are made clean and new. Your heart and flesh can be made clean through your love for Him.

Your heart is scarred I know, but God is arranging for you to be with somebody who will honor you and cherish you like a gem. It’s hard to look past the people you had feelings for, I’ve been there, but once you encounter the love of Jesus Christ, TRULY encounter the love of Jesus Christ, that will be the last love you seek. Trust me. You feel incomplete, I know, but the feeling of incompleteness that we sustain is not the feeling of being single, incompleteness is a result of not being full in Jesus.

_____________________________________________

Here's a link to Bryan's Tumblog: endlesspraise.tumblr.com

I've always admired this guy for being genuinely honest and for having such a strong love for Christ. Try reading his other posts. They'll open up your hearts and minds to things you probably never understood before.

Spread love like fire and God bless!

Take a moment
to mourn for Japan.
Then, kneel
and pray for them.



The things we do for ourselves will die with us,
but the things we do for others will remain and are immortal.

worth a lifetime, this one

When I was at the hospital for my "usual check-up", something finally hit me. I turned to my mum and asked,

"Am I signed up for this for a lifetime?"

Mum looked at me, with much compassion and said, "Yes". There was a "I'm so sorry you have to live like this" written all over her face after that.

I then thought about how my future would be.

How, when I'm in college, I would have to reschedule my appointments so I won't have to skip classes or how much physical pain I would feel working on assignments. Or, when I reach adulthood, I would have to take a day-off work to go to the hospital. Or, when I become a mother, how I would constantly worry if my child would inherit this thing from me and how I would always feel guilty about it if he does. Or, what if my child blames me like I blamed my parents when I was younger?

I could only rest all of this into God's hands. Thank God, He's great :)

magical hands

I forgot how amazing an author Neil Gaiman is. It takes a lot to impress me when it comes to books. Most authors lose me before I reach page 100 because I lose interest quite easily and would never reach the end. No, I admit I'm not a bookworm and I'm not an avid reader of fictional books but Neil Gaiman never lose me. I guess it's the kind of books he writes? It's always imaginative and dark and mysterious and out-of-this-world. Nothing ordinary or, even human.

Anyway, the reason why I'm suddenly blogging about this is because I've recently picked up reading books again (or at least a book). In the past few days, I've been reading Neil Gaiman's The Graveyard Book. It's about a boy whose family was murdered when he was just a baby and then was adopted by ghosts in the graveyard close to his house. He grew up in the graveyard, had a guardian, Silas, who was neither dead nor alive, who brought him food every time. The boy learned to do things the dead could do, see things the dead could see. It's a book you'd get lost in. I love it. I finished it lastnight. Yeah, I finished it, now that's something very rare!

I love the fact that my sister is such a bookworm. She buys tons of books and she leaves them here when she's done with them. I get to pick up whatever I wish. You should get more of Neil Gaiman's books, sis. He's got magical hands.

Speak of magical hands, I watched I Am Number Four on Tuesday with Mel and Ray. I loved it. The movie started off with Number 3 being killed. Right after he was killed, I whispered to Mel, "I love it already!" and then I turned back to the screen and Number 4 was on a jet ski, I quickly said, "I'm loving it even more!". Haha!

I think watching the movie kinda rubbed off some magical power on me too. I was psychic! I knew Number 6 was Number 6 before she said so.

They were showing a blond girl, sitting on the ground next to her bike and I thought to myself, "Who are you?" and then I imagined her say, "I am number 6."

True enough, when the movie almost ended, she said she was Number 6! Oh yeah, I'm psychic! (to prove this fact, there was no number 5 or 7 or 8 or 9 in the movie by the way) Maybe I could be Number 7? :D

Magical, glowing hands. Who would've thought of that?
Pretty useful in the dark, don't you think? ;)

we will never forget

It has been such a crazy ride for me in the past few days. One moment I was heartbroken, in the next I was irritated. I experienced something entirely foreign to my knowledge, had no expectations and so, there was no disappointment. Only sadness would surface every now and then. And then there were times when I felt very happy too. No, this is not an emotional breakdown.

Let's start with the sad news and build up along the way, (just exactly how the days went anyway). Our dog, Lemon passed away last Wednesday night. She fell ill for almost a week and that night, she left without a sound, laying in our bathroom. I've never been that sad since Dottie passed. This was more painful, though. It wasn't her time yet, it really wasn't. A cocker spaniel lives up to 10 to 11 years. Lemon was only 7. I cried for the longest time in my life and it made me feel almost lifeless too. I hated being home alone. I knew I would burst into tears every now and then, so Melinda took me out the next day. I'm so blessed to have such amazing friends who ate chocolate with me, brought me to the park and made me laugh, drove me around the city to find strawberry milkshake just because I craved for it. I love you guys :)

On Friday, I went to the hospital for my regular check-up. Didn't seem so regular when the last time I went for a check-up was about a year ago. The hospital sure have changed. My doctor wasn't there that afternoon, but there were a bunch of new, young, male doctors. Faces I've never seen before. I still hoped my doctor was around although it seemed unlikely so. When I got into the office, there were two young doctors. One, a tall Chinese guy who seemed so consumed in his work of drawing lines on my X-ray, and the other, a shorter guy with glasses whose signature went by Dr Bryan, a nervous guy he was.

Dr Bryan asked me questions and I answered as if I had heard those questions a million times before (I could swear it was up to a million). I told him about the sharp pain I'd get running down my thigh. He asked me if I get it often, I told him I had it twice that week. He went ouh. Mum asked if it was normal. He said no and shook his head. I wasn't worried, to be honest. At that moment I was so assured that nothing could break me. Only God could break me into pieces and make me whole again. So no, I wasn't the slightest bit worried. He irritated me, though. He asked the tall guy about the measurements and the tall guy simply noted that he only drew lines and that Dr Bryan was to measure it on his own. Dr Bryan stood up, measured it, sat back down and muttered, "20 degrees". My hopes were pretty high, then, because it would've meant that my spine was better, much better. And then...

Me: Is that the upper curve or lower curve?
Dr Bryan: Upper curve, of course. Lower curve is fixed. *stares at X ray again and turns to tall doctor* Hey, which curve did you draw on?
Tall Doctor: I don't know, I followed the old X-ray.

You gotta be kidding me. Well, they signed me up for Physiotherapy and gave me painkillers. Lots of painkillers. Don't know when I'll be needing those, I'm blessed with the ability to endure pain (ok, that's pretty morbid)...or should I say Mobic? Ahahaha, lame jokes coming!

I had to work on Monday. I said "had to" because it wasn't much of a choice. Mum's colleague had to go for a big meeting but she doesn't know how to use a laptop. Therefore, mum's boss decided to borrow me for the few hours. So, I was a PA/techie for a day (4 hours to be exact) and had to dress up like a pro for the meeting. Now, that was something new. Principals and teachers from other schools who were there thought I was a teacher as well. Haha, it worked! (whatever it was) I made RM20 in four hours! :D

Well, that is just halfway through. I've got more things to post about, for things seem to be happening quite often now. (I've got quite a few on my mind now but I'll save you the reading for later)

In the mean time, spread love like fire and God bless!

who I am hates who I've been

I'm not proud of who I am and what I've been doing lately. I've been feeling like I was good for nothing. Wandered around, staying up late, waking up late, taking naps in the afternoon and having trouble waking up. They're all pointless. What am I doing?

The one thing I'm most disappointed about is the fact that I've neglected my Bible for seven days now. Seven days! I've been doing so well, reading every single day since I first started this reading plan. I completed at least 6 readings each day and now, the few things I read were Facebook updates or new Tumblr posts. Well, Tumblr posts on my dashboard were not worthless, thank God. The guys posted about Libya and passed prayers along.

Anyway, this wandering thing should stop. I'm putting an end to it. More plans, all I need. More things to do. Start thinking them up now, Jimmy! (that's what I call the part of me that does all the thinking, it's like Jimmy Neutron you know)

Well, let's start off with sleeping early? Okay, tonight would be more of sleeping earlier. Haha!

Goodnight! or morning...

This is a post-Valentine's Day post

I spent yesterday with Jesus at home. It was nice. But I feel like I owe you stalkers a "love post". Is that what people call it? So here's a list of some of the things I love!
Note: Some may change as time flies.

♥ The Godly people I follow on Tumblr

♥ Songs about Jesus

♥ Moments when God makes me smile for no absolute reason

♥ Babies and little kids

♥ The fact that I can talk to Mel about anything!

♥ Pictures from weheartit.com. These are my personal favourites.

♥ Jeans that are actually blue

♥ Australian accents

♥ Red Indian headdress

♥ Drumming and swimming

♥ The purring noise my cat, Fifa makes when I hug him

♥ The way my dogs welcome me when I arrive home

♥ American comedies

♥ Kristen Bell in comedies



♥ Kuching traffic. Haha!

♥ Staring at skies

♥ Waving at random strangers

♥ Conversations I have with my closest friends

♥ Blogging about random things! :D

Season Finale's

So, I know it's Valentine's day and it's not a perfect time for me to go on a rant about my favourite TV shows but this is my blog and I'm going to do it anyway.

This afternoon, I watched the season finale of Private Practice. I love that show but after watching this season's final episode, I don't think I wanna watch it ever again. They put to death the super sweet and adorable Dell. I was alone in my living room, shouting, "No no no! Who wrote the script?!" and let me tell you this; today was a very (note: VERY) hot and sunny day. Killing my favourite character in a TV show is not how you should entertain me. Well, director of Private Practice, with that dramatic stunt you pulled, I can assure you that you've lost thousands, millions, billions of young teenage girls in your audience. Oh trust me, you would want young teenage girls in your audience. Things just don't work well without them, but I can tell you what you can do to get your high ratings back.

Next season, turn all of this into a dream and make the dreamer wake up. This time, Naomi's daughter never got into an accident and Dell never spent a whole day trying to save her and die at the end of the day. So, I'm happy, the rest of the audience are happy, everybody's happy. One more thing, you as the director, should think of more creative and less fatal ideas for future episodes. Capisce?

I want him back, alive!

Moving on to less drama and more action, lastnight was the season finale for The Walking Dead. The way the season ended blew me away. I mean, death by 'decontamination'? Genius! I loved it. I can't wait for the next season. Let there be another season! :D

This is the one show that could get to me and my imaginations. I would actually get nervous and start talking to the TV screen when it's on. Now, whenever I'm alone at home and I hear a noise that isn't supposed to be there, I'd immediately think; robbers or walkers? Haha! My brother had multiple zombie dreams too. Once, he was afraid to wake up and go to school because he dreamt zombies were invading our living room. It's funny, really. Whenever I have zombie dreams, I'd always slash them to (a second) death and stand a survivor, or at least an amazing escape artist. Ha!

Anyway, there goes my rant. You're amazing if you've stuck through reading the whole thing. I love you. I'm serious :) Thank you. Oh, and Happy Valentine's!

February, you talk too much.

It's only the 11th day of February and I'm drowned in questions already. I'm happy to say, however, that answers are slowly surfacing each day I spend wrecking my brain and asking around. Thank you so much to my amazing friends!

Although there are thousands more question marks than bright, (some flickering) light-bulbs above my head right now, I am just glad that the most important question was finally answered. What am I going to do about my future?

Oh, words can't describe how I felt when God answered me. I've waited and wondered for so long. My curiosity made me worry so much, it just wasn't healthy. I avoided the subject for two whole months and I guess He didn't want me running away anymore yesterday. And so, I got my answer. Hehe. This is the best thing about being patient and being blessed with the ability to endure. Yep, that's the perfect word for what I've been doing.

Another question (a rather silly question really) was answered today. What exactly is my hobby? Hahaha! Nope, I never knew what my hobby was. Okay, no, honestly, I never really had a hobby until just recently. I mean, yeah, there were things I was interested in, things I loved but things I love to do? Not much. Only lately, when I say "lately", I mean after school ended, I started baking a lot. I've always loved it whenever I got the chance to bake during my school days, but never really thought of it as a hobby. Now, I think it is.

New and odd fact; my mum bakes when she's stressed out, but I bake when I'm feeling really good! :D

There were also a few more answered questions, but I'll keep them to myself until someone decides to ask me those questions. So, there you go, that's how February's been treating me so far.

"You better cut me some slack real soon, Feb."

oh, shady!

I finally went swimming with Mel and Ray this morning. I swam freestyle for only two laps and started getting cramps. Wow, I need to start swimming again more often. I miss living in Miri and swimming for free every week at the family club which was right there, outside the neighborhood. In Kuching, however, it's a long way to the pool and you'd have to pay RM5.5o per entry. Ah, gone are the days when we swim for free.

Today, I played around in the shallow pool like a 5 year old most of the time. Our favourite part of the pool is the pool bar. We talked about how great it would be if the pool bar was actually running. I'd order ice-cream and have it right there while I'm soaked and drenched. The thought of ice-cream made me hungry and we all wondered what time it was. None of us wanted to get out and check the time, so we took votes on who should. Mel eventually got out and told us that it was 11.30am.

I asked her if we should get out and honestly, I didn't want to but we couldn't all stay in the water and start growing gills, right? Mel then asked if we wanted to have lunch before we get home. The word "lunch" made Ray and I jump out of the pool. We were really hungry! (at least I know I was)

Just before I entered the showers, I saw tan lines across my chest and quickly showed it to Mel. She laughed at me and then started screaming in the bathroom when she realised she was a whole shade darker. Ray was screaming too but she wasn't as loud as the drama queen.

I laughed and told them, "The best part is, we don't have to worry about getting Osteoporosis when we get old!"

Mel told me that she wasn't going to swim in the morning ever again. I guess I need to find new swimming buddies now. Sorry, Melly, but I absolutely love swimming in the morning! It's just the way my sister and I roll. Morning sun is the best! You won't have to worry about getting skin cancer. I'd bring you swimming at night, but I know imaginations go wild when it comes to being in the water in the dark. People tend to believe they're being chased by hungry sharks whenever they see that big blue line underneath, or like my brother, being chased by water ghosts. Hahaha!

Look at the different skin coloration across my chest!
Oh well, I still love my skin :)



Note to sis,
I'm wearing your top today because I secretly wished you were there! ;)

Powerless, still.

In the morning,
the enemy tried to sing.
His voice grew louder,
But it wasn't loud enough
to cause me to quiver.

I sat in my kitchen,
I smiled at my savior's words.

Sing, my savior told me.

My lips parted and praises sung.
My savior's name I called,
And at the sound of His name,
the enemy's voice trembled.

I laughed with my maker beside me
For the enemy is powerless,
still.

you, silly!

I just browsed through folders of old pictures I kept in my pendrive. I'm so glad I kept them there, because if I were to suffer from amnesia, those pictures would've been a great help. All the pictures of myself showed what an insanely silly person I am. All the pictures of my family showed where all my insanity came from. All the pictures of my friends showed how I kept it going. Pictures of myself hugging my dogs and cats, well, showed how much of an animal lover I am. Haha. Let me just show you :)

A shirt I painted!

This was when the camera phone was still fresh.

My brother and I back in 2008. A friend edited this!

My sister and her super cool glasses.
There's another photo, sillier than this, but for her sake, I shall not post it ;)

My sister's boyfriend, scaring other Kuching drivers


Theresa and marker pens.


We were supposed to be ninjas! (2009)




When I first moved to Kuching in 2008, I used to go on MSN to chat with Aleen.


I miss Sammy. Him and Vodka were such a great pair!


Remember Ploppy?
I caught him from home and we released him in school!




I'm very happy about my past :)
God has kept me on the right path...