who I am hates who I've been

I'm not proud of who I am and what I've been doing lately. I've been feeling like I was good for nothing. Wandered around, staying up late, waking up late, taking naps in the afternoon and having trouble waking up. They're all pointless. What am I doing?

The one thing I'm most disappointed about is the fact that I've neglected my Bible for seven days now. Seven days! I've been doing so well, reading every single day since I first started this reading plan. I completed at least 6 readings each day and now, the few things I read were Facebook updates or new Tumblr posts. Well, Tumblr posts on my dashboard were not worthless, thank God. The guys posted about Libya and passed prayers along.

Anyway, this wandering thing should stop. I'm putting an end to it. More plans, all I need. More things to do. Start thinking them up now, Jimmy! (that's what I call the part of me that does all the thinking, it's like Jimmy Neutron you know)

Well, let's start off with sleeping early? Okay, tonight would be more of sleeping earlier. Haha!

Goodnight! or morning...

This is a post-Valentine's Day post

I spent yesterday with Jesus at home. It was nice. But I feel like I owe you stalkers a "love post". Is that what people call it? So here's a list of some of the things I love!
Note: Some may change as time flies.

♥ The Godly people I follow on Tumblr

♥ Songs about Jesus

♥ Moments when God makes me smile for no absolute reason

♥ Babies and little kids

♥ The fact that I can talk to Mel about anything!

♥ Pictures from weheartit.com. These are my personal favourites.

♥ Jeans that are actually blue

♥ Australian accents

♥ Red Indian headdress

♥ Drumming and swimming

♥ The purring noise my cat, Fifa makes when I hug him

♥ The way my dogs welcome me when I arrive home

♥ American comedies

♥ Kristen Bell in comedies



♥ Kuching traffic. Haha!

♥ Staring at skies

♥ Waving at random strangers

♥ Conversations I have with my closest friends

♥ Blogging about random things! :D

Season Finale's

So, I know it's Valentine's day and it's not a perfect time for me to go on a rant about my favourite TV shows but this is my blog and I'm going to do it anyway.

This afternoon, I watched the season finale of Private Practice. I love that show but after watching this season's final episode, I don't think I wanna watch it ever again. They put to death the super sweet and adorable Dell. I was alone in my living room, shouting, "No no no! Who wrote the script?!" and let me tell you this; today was a very (note: VERY) hot and sunny day. Killing my favourite character in a TV show is not how you should entertain me. Well, director of Private Practice, with that dramatic stunt you pulled, I can assure you that you've lost thousands, millions, billions of young teenage girls in your audience. Oh trust me, you would want young teenage girls in your audience. Things just don't work well without them, but I can tell you what you can do to get your high ratings back.

Next season, turn all of this into a dream and make the dreamer wake up. This time, Naomi's daughter never got into an accident and Dell never spent a whole day trying to save her and die at the end of the day. So, I'm happy, the rest of the audience are happy, everybody's happy. One more thing, you as the director, should think of more creative and less fatal ideas for future episodes. Capisce?

I want him back, alive!

Moving on to less drama and more action, lastnight was the season finale for The Walking Dead. The way the season ended blew me away. I mean, death by 'decontamination'? Genius! I loved it. I can't wait for the next season. Let there be another season! :D

This is the one show that could get to me and my imaginations. I would actually get nervous and start talking to the TV screen when it's on. Now, whenever I'm alone at home and I hear a noise that isn't supposed to be there, I'd immediately think; robbers or walkers? Haha! My brother had multiple zombie dreams too. Once, he was afraid to wake up and go to school because he dreamt zombies were invading our living room. It's funny, really. Whenever I have zombie dreams, I'd always slash them to (a second) death and stand a survivor, or at least an amazing escape artist. Ha!

Anyway, there goes my rant. You're amazing if you've stuck through reading the whole thing. I love you. I'm serious :) Thank you. Oh, and Happy Valentine's!

February, you talk too much.

It's only the 11th day of February and I'm drowned in questions already. I'm happy to say, however, that answers are slowly surfacing each day I spend wrecking my brain and asking around. Thank you so much to my amazing friends!

Although there are thousands more question marks than bright, (some flickering) light-bulbs above my head right now, I am just glad that the most important question was finally answered. What am I going to do about my future?

Oh, words can't describe how I felt when God answered me. I've waited and wondered for so long. My curiosity made me worry so much, it just wasn't healthy. I avoided the subject for two whole months and I guess He didn't want me running away anymore yesterday. And so, I got my answer. Hehe. This is the best thing about being patient and being blessed with the ability to endure. Yep, that's the perfect word for what I've been doing.

Another question (a rather silly question really) was answered today. What exactly is my hobby? Hahaha! Nope, I never knew what my hobby was. Okay, no, honestly, I never really had a hobby until just recently. I mean, yeah, there were things I was interested in, things I loved but things I love to do? Not much. Only lately, when I say "lately", I mean after school ended, I started baking a lot. I've always loved it whenever I got the chance to bake during my school days, but never really thought of it as a hobby. Now, I think it is.

New and odd fact; my mum bakes when she's stressed out, but I bake when I'm feeling really good! :D

There were also a few more answered questions, but I'll keep them to myself until someone decides to ask me those questions. So, there you go, that's how February's been treating me so far.

"You better cut me some slack real soon, Feb."

oh, shady!

I finally went swimming with Mel and Ray this morning. I swam freestyle for only two laps and started getting cramps. Wow, I need to start swimming again more often. I miss living in Miri and swimming for free every week at the family club which was right there, outside the neighborhood. In Kuching, however, it's a long way to the pool and you'd have to pay RM5.5o per entry. Ah, gone are the days when we swim for free.

Today, I played around in the shallow pool like a 5 year old most of the time. Our favourite part of the pool is the pool bar. We talked about how great it would be if the pool bar was actually running. I'd order ice-cream and have it right there while I'm soaked and drenched. The thought of ice-cream made me hungry and we all wondered what time it was. None of us wanted to get out and check the time, so we took votes on who should. Mel eventually got out and told us that it was 11.30am.

I asked her if we should get out and honestly, I didn't want to but we couldn't all stay in the water and start growing gills, right? Mel then asked if we wanted to have lunch before we get home. The word "lunch" made Ray and I jump out of the pool. We were really hungry! (at least I know I was)

Just before I entered the showers, I saw tan lines across my chest and quickly showed it to Mel. She laughed at me and then started screaming in the bathroom when she realised she was a whole shade darker. Ray was screaming too but she wasn't as loud as the drama queen.

I laughed and told them, "The best part is, we don't have to worry about getting Osteoporosis when we get old!"

Mel told me that she wasn't going to swim in the morning ever again. I guess I need to find new swimming buddies now. Sorry, Melly, but I absolutely love swimming in the morning! It's just the way my sister and I roll. Morning sun is the best! You won't have to worry about getting skin cancer. I'd bring you swimming at night, but I know imaginations go wild when it comes to being in the water in the dark. People tend to believe they're being chased by hungry sharks whenever they see that big blue line underneath, or like my brother, being chased by water ghosts. Hahaha!

Look at the different skin coloration across my chest!
Oh well, I still love my skin :)



Note to sis,
I'm wearing your top today because I secretly wished you were there! ;)

Powerless, still.

In the morning,
the enemy tried to sing.
His voice grew louder,
But it wasn't loud enough
to cause me to quiver.

I sat in my kitchen,
I smiled at my savior's words.

Sing, my savior told me.

My lips parted and praises sung.
My savior's name I called,
And at the sound of His name,
the enemy's voice trembled.

I laughed with my maker beside me
For the enemy is powerless,
still.

you, silly!

I just browsed through folders of old pictures I kept in my pendrive. I'm so glad I kept them there, because if I were to suffer from amnesia, those pictures would've been a great help. All the pictures of myself showed what an insanely silly person I am. All the pictures of my family showed where all my insanity came from. All the pictures of my friends showed how I kept it going. Pictures of myself hugging my dogs and cats, well, showed how much of an animal lover I am. Haha. Let me just show you :)

A shirt I painted!

This was when the camera phone was still fresh.

My brother and I back in 2008. A friend edited this!

My sister and her super cool glasses.
There's another photo, sillier than this, but for her sake, I shall not post it ;)

My sister's boyfriend, scaring other Kuching drivers


Theresa and marker pens.


We were supposed to be ninjas! (2009)




When I first moved to Kuching in 2008, I used to go on MSN to chat with Aleen.


I miss Sammy. Him and Vodka were such a great pair!


Remember Ploppy?
I caught him from home and we released him in school!




I'm very happy about my past :)
God has kept me on the right path...

something new

I went to Youth lastnight. It was the first time being there this year and being considered a "young adult". We had Bible study and I was really excited to join the Form 5. Then, Sarah started distributing Caryn (yes, she's back from NZ! :D) and Jia Ahn (yes, he's back from KL) to different classes as helpers.

My eyes bulged out of their sockets as I covered my face with my precious Bible, hoping Sarah wouldn't say my name. Ashley uncovered me. Aie, Ashley, why?

I started panicking. What do I do? What did Joshua used to do again?? Where did the Form 2 kids go?

I heard Sarah changed her mind and decided to let Caryn off the hook. I wanted to ask if I could get that same ticket too, but ah, it's okay, let's see what being a young adult at youth is like!

So, yes, it was something new, alright. I liked it, but I do miss having Bible study in the Form 5 group. It's the best!

I don't need to chase the clock any longer

Ah, hello! I am glad I can now say that I have been using my time quite wisely in the past few days. Most of the things I've done have given me a backache, but nevertheless, I'm happy!

Things I did:

1. Groom the ever so fluffy, furry, messy little dog, Lemon. She looks like a sheep now! I love it, because just like Mary, I now have a little lamb. Phoebe's little lamb is black, though. One tiny little problem I have with her is the fact that she wouldn't let me cut the fur around her tail. So, she skips around the house looking like a lamb with a furry behind. Can you imagine just how funny that looks?

2. Have healthy and delicious breakfast every morning. The best thing about holidays is the fact that you get to actually have breakfast. I love having so much free time in the morning. I could cook or bake whatever I want. I tried poaching eggs for the first time in my life the other day! The first egg didn't work out too well, but the second and third were great. Oh, how I love runny yolks... I'd make pancakes too, like I did this morning. I made apple-cinnamon syrup to go with it. I think I tasted heaven today!

3. Visit Theresa while she's in NS camp. Rachel and I hitched a ride with her family on Sunday. Her parents bought lots of pizzas. We ate together and Theresa was happy. I miss her bubbly nature! She told us lots of stories. The girl just wouldn't stop talking! Haha. It was only when we were about to leave that she broke into tears. We hugged her many many times but didn't want to keep her parents and brother waiting in the car. She told us that being there without anyone to depend on made her reach out even more to God. She's so much closer to Him. That was the greatest thing about it. :)

4. Watch movies. I watched Season of The Witch with Mel and Ray at MBO. Mel was really scared of the witch. Ray and I just couldn't take Nicholas Cage seriously. Hahaha! The movie was great, I'd have to say. I just wished it was more scary. I'm still searching for a movie that would actually get me scared like Mel. I watched You Again online yesterday. I was quite annoyed because it took such a long time to load and I couldn't really hear the words they were saying. An okay movie, it was. I'd give it a 6 out of 10. I'm going to watch Charlie St. Cloud today since Despicable Me was removed. -.-"

And the most wonderful thing I've been doing is... read the Bible! :D I realised that I've never actually read the whole Bible, so I'm on a one year plan to complete it. There's a website which gives me about 6 readings a day for 365 days. It's great because each day I would have two readings from the Old Testament, two from the New, one from Psalms and one from Proverbs. Today is Day 17 for me! :D

Well, anyway, I should stop blogging and start cooking rice now. Smell you later, stalker!

we are perfect

Somewhere out there, someone wishes they were someone else. There will always be someone who thinks they're ugly and worthless. Someone who says, "I wish I was perfect" and then another who answers, "No one is perfect."

It's sad really, because that's not true. I honestly don't believe that at all.

I think everyone is beautiful. Despite our flaws, despite our mistakes, we are all perfect, still.

God is in all of us. In fact, God created us in His own image, as it was written in the book of Genesis. He created us to be like Him, and like Him, we are perfect.

I wish more and more people (especially girls) would understand that.


♥ You're all in my prayers. God bless.

little odd things

Here's a list of little (maybe not so little) odd facts about me. Hear me out, will you? :)

1. I know it's a little odd that I wear a jacket and shorts at the same time.

Let me answer that with odd fact number 2; my arms and hands get cold but my legs and feet dont. Thus, jacket and shorts! :D

3. I know it's a little odd that I actually wear beanies.

Yeah, you're probably thinking, "In this hot Asian country?!" Haha! I just love beanies. I wear them occasionally, not all the time. Plus, they keep my hair in place (partially because it has a life of its own).

4. I know it's a little odd that I wear a hoodie instead of using an umbrella when I walk in the rain to close the gates.

But I really dont know where the umbrella is! Yes, I would most definitely love using the umbrella. I'll get the chance to sing Umbrella by the annoying Rhianna and it wouldn't be so odd after all, since my voice isn't as annoying ;)

5. I know it's a little odd that I actually know the words to the song Calcutta by Dr. Bombay.

Hahaha! This has gotta be the most odd one. Okay, let me just explain this. When we were little kids, my brother and I used to listen to Dr. Bombay's cassette. We would repeat it over and over again. Yes, we danced and sang to Dr. Bombay while we traveled by car from Miri to Kuching and back.

We were and still are weird :)

Garden of Eden

I’ve always wondered where it is. I wondered if it could be found.

Someone once mentioned that it was “gone forever”. I never believed that. I’ve always believed that one day, some day, we will find it. We will see it. We will be there, just like Adam and Eve once were.

Reading Genesis 2 gives me hope for this.

10 A stream flowed in Eden and watered the garden; beyond Eden it divided into four rivers. 11 The first river is the Pishon; it flows around the country of Havilah. …

13 The second river is the Gihon; it flows around the country of Cush. 14 The third river is the Tigris, which flows east of Assyria, and the fourth river is the Euphrates.

It made me wonder, maybe God created Geography so that one day we would find The Garden :)

say "aww" with me

"God is love. Therefore love.
Without distinction, without calculation, without procrastination,
love."

- Henry Drummond

chasing inspiration

I felt as if I'm stuck in a moment and state whereby I dont know where to go or what to do anymore. And so, lately, whenever I go online, I search for things, words, pictures and people that would inspire me. I found exactly what I was looking for and they kept coming at me. Even now, I still stumble upon new inspirational websites.

Isn't God amazing? He understood my needs even when I couldnt find the words or courage to say them out.

I still cant figure it out, what I'm going to do but I know one thing that's certain. God loves me, He knows everything about me. Life isnt about which college accepts me or how good my grades are. Life isnt about what course I'm going to pursue or what my future career is going to be. Life is about knowing God's love, loving Him back and loving others around me. I'm going to keep my heart on that track and smile about the rest.

On another note, a few days ago, I decided to create a tumblr account. Here's the catch, my tumblr blog is specifically about God and all His wonders. Someone inspired me to do this and I want to inspire others too. I try to post daily, and I'm sure I wont have a problem with that right now, considering my intensely long freedom. Haha :))

God bless! <3